Men carry a lot on their shoulders. In a culture that expects men to be silent and stoic with their emotions but strong and courageous with their aggression, how do messages like “Man up,” “Pull up your bootstraps” and “Get your act together” make men feel? How do these messages help (or not help) men cope with the pressures of life? And how can these types of expectations possibly serve them well as they navigate their way through the day-to-day living?
Today’s episode is a conversation with Jerrad Lopes: author, pastor, podcaster and founder of the Dad Tired community — a non-profit ministry focused on equipping men to lead their family well.
As we dive into fatherhood, manhood, motherhood, marriage and more, Jerrad helps us understand how the man-up mentality isn’t working, what it is men do with their emotions, what the greatest fear is for a large percentage of husbands and how women can come alongside them in safety and support.
But deeper than that, this episode is about confronting culture and the many roles we play.
- This whole man-up mentality is not working. And beyond that, where in 2018, manhood just looks different in our culture than it did 50 years ago, 100 years ago. And so there’s a lot of guys that don’t resonate with that message.
- If we really believe the Gospel then the whole man-up mentality doesn’t even make sense. We cannot earn our way to Salvation and to changed hearts.
- I always tell guys that anger is never the first emotion. You present this exterior as being this big, strong, tough guy who can be yell loud and be loud and flex, but the reality is that you’re just scared.
- The best way a man can learn how to be a good dad and husband is by having a good dad and husband around when he was little. I’m not going to hope the church teaches my son how to be an engaged husband and father; that role’s on me.
- The best spiritual leaders are not the ones who are the best theologians and who have their Bible memorized and are the most disciplined and, you know, just look like this giant, awesome, Christian man. I think the best spiritual leaders are the ones who simply initiate.
- I just see a spiritual leader as the one who initiates … doesn’t have to have all the answers but he’s the one who will push himself and the family towards Jesus as much as he possibly can.
Jerrad Lopes is a Christian pastor and the founder of Dad Tired, a non-profit ministry focused on equipping men to lead their family well. He hosts the weekly Dad Tired Podcast, listened to by hundreds of thousands of men from around the world, and also authored Stop Behaving: A Gospel-Centered Devotional for Men.
He and his wife Leila live in Portland, Oregon with their two children where they are also certified foster parents.
Mentioned In This Episode:
- Daring Greatly by Brene Brown
- Tim Keller quote: “Within this Christian vision of marriage, here’s what it means to fall in love. It is to look at another person and get a glimpse of what God is creating, and to say, “I see who God is making you, and it excites me! I want to be part of that. I want to partner with you and God in the journey you are taking to his throne. And when we get there, I will look at your magnificence and say, ‘I always knew you could be like this. I got glimpses of it on earth, but now look at you!”
- The Meaning of Marriage by Tim Keller
- Dad Tired podcast
- Dad Tired blog
- Jerrad’s book: Stop Behaving
- Tired and True: marriage group on Facebook
- Jerrad Lopes website